Let go of control and trust Life

island-3542290_1280-1024x628Author: Emiliya Tsaneva

Sometimes in life everything seems to go smoothly. No matter what we engage in, it works out wonderfully for us. We have plenty of energy and we are capable of all kinds of achievements. Then, there are those moments when most parts of our life function pretty well, one part, however, causes us a lot of headache. We slowly reach the point of despair regarding this one part – we can’t seem to change things, no matter how hard we try. Finally, there are the moments in life, when everything feels out of control. Nothing goes right, we feel tired, desperate and even our hobbies don`t bring us joy anymore. Is there something in common between the three kinds of situations? Me personally, I have been in each one of them and I have noticed that no matter how different they seem to be, their core is the same – to do what I can, then to let go of control and trust life.

Some people have developed trust in life still in their childhood. They know that everything happens for a reason and they are strong enough to deal with whatever comes their way. It’s not always easy, but they don’t stop believing and taking steps forward. Many of us, however, fear life. We don`t trust life, we need to control everything including the very last detail, otherwise something bad might happen. If we don’t control everything, we will get hurt, we will be abandoned or left without a roof. As we lack trust in life and we doubt our own capabilities, we constantly feel stressed out and under enormous pressure. We invest all of our energy in controlling the environment and ourselves. No surprise then that we don’t have enough energy and strength in order to pursue the things we want in life. Constantly trying to control  everything is an extremely exhausting activity.

For someone who doesn’t trust life, when everything seems to be going smoothly, they worry that they don’t  deserve such happiness, something bad might happen and soon they will have to face tones of problems once again. We are more or less used to having problems, but when things go well, we seem to fear just relaxing for a while and enjoying our success. We can’t control what is going to happen tomorrow. It is normal that in life we have wonderful moments as well as hard times. No matter how hard we try to hold onto the good moments, we can`t keep them forever. But if we constantly worry about losing our current happiness, we deprive ourselves from enjoying the happy moment. The only thing we can control here, is to be aware what brought us to the success and keep up the good work. Keep putting effort, give ourselves time to enjoy our current success and make a brave step forward. Yes, of course there will be hard moments as well, there is no way we can skip all the difficulties in life, but within ourselves we have all the resources needed to manage. 

When most parts of our life go well, but one of them seems stuck, this is the time to roll up our sleeves and do everything we can about it. For example, if I don’t seem to manage finding the partner I want, I should keep up doing everything that depends on me and then lean back and leave life unfold as it has to. Yes, I know how hard it is, when you want something so badly and it doesn’t happen straight away! Sometimes it could take years, even decades until we find a good partner. This process we can’t fully control. No matter how much we stress out and want to have the result right now, we can`t make the wanted partner appear straight away. We can simply do what depends on us and have faith the best for us will happen. The fact that the rest of our life is going well – we put effort and have good results rather fast, can give us the needed support and increase our trust that sooner or later we will have what we want in this part of our life as well. So no need for despair. 

The third kind of situation, when everything seems to be falling apart, requires the most trust in life and also contains the most gifts for us. It looks like there is nothing stable in our life, we can`t hold onto anything. We lose close people, businesses close down, our career shatters, health issues emerge. It’s so dark in here and so easy to lose hope. But don`t forget – this too shall pass. Even the most horrible nightmare comes to an end. And exactly these situations help us reveal our strength and capabilities, we might be surprised how strong we are actually. No matter how hard it is, it will come to an end. And then we will be stronger, more capable and in better connection with ourselves. But for now, since we are still in the mess, where everything seems to be falling apart, we have an utmost need to give ourselves support and care, to be gentle with ourselves. It is time to stop criticizing ourselves, stop worrying about what might or might not happen, roll our sleeves up and put our effort into the things that are in our control. Life will take care of the rest. We just have to keep going, keep doing what’s right, keep giving our best in every possible way and one day we will be able to look back with a smile to this heavy moment and be proud of ourselves that we have managed.

I have often heard people say that life loves the brave ones. I would add – life loves brave people, who persist and believe. I know what I want in my life and although currently the picture might seem rather dark, I keep on doing what I can with the belief that everything is going to be alright. Yes, I know how demotivating it could be when outer success is not there yet and sometimes new things start falling apart. Yes, it sucks. But this should not be an excuse to give up and stop putting effort. Be gentle with yourself, support yourself and try again. Even if you don’t reach the desired goal, you will become a wiser person in this journey and you might find that you already have what you have always wanted. But for now – keep going. Don`t fall into despair. Reach out for support from other people as well. This difficult situation shall pass too and in the meantime you have the wonderful opportunity to learn inner stability no matter what happens on the outside. Trust life and believe in yourself, each one of us has wonderful capabilities. We can’t control everything, but we can face the challenge with persistence and hope. 

In life there is always a bit of surprise. One door closes, another one opens. Sometimes we have success, other times – lessons. Sometimes we fly from happiness, other times we heal wounds. This is the natural way of life. We can choose to keep putting effort into the things we want or we can choose to change the direction – this is within our control. But we cannot control the whole life or the whole world. And this is actually wonderful. Because life is a partner of ours, and it does the best for us as long as we keep making steps and have faith. We are stronger and more capable than what we might think. We have the ability to let go of fear and believe that everything is going to be just fine. 

 

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